Love is still as strange to me as
it has always been, in my many pursuits to understand it; I have only succeeded
in failing again and again. There was a time that the very search for its
meanings made me tangle myself in thoughts, so strange that I myself wonder how
I ended up brewing these thoughts in my mind. Strange as it may be, I still
search for its meanings, even when it had cost me many a things.
In and out, I went of many
relationships. Some were a ship wreck from the very beginning while others just
went in through a series of unexplainable and unfortunate events before it
could finally settle itself into a sense of awkwardness. But, believe me when I
say, ‘ Every one of those relations were a lesson learned’. I should also admit
that some lessons were much more than what I could have ever bargained for. The
sense of tarnish and humiliation that was inevitable, even when I have done it
all to keep it afloat, now that’s a wee bit uncomforting.
I beg pardon from all the ladies
that had to read these words, and I do accept that not all the women are of the
nature I may be discussing. I would also assure you that I have always thought
highly of women, but these are a few that I had to face in my small life. There
were quite a few women in my life that had come at me in ways that I myself
could have never envisioned. The fact is they had in me vested interested that
either I have not seen or have cunningly enough hid from my eyes. I have to say
this that second one was of higher probabilities. The way those things turned
out were particularly humiliating for me for one simple fact, they were not of
my doings.
Those were events good enough to
make any reasonable man lose faith in love and I do consider myself a reasonable
man indeed. The real thing I had no more trust in anyone any more. All that I
loved turned out to be more of a wreck and less of any help. The one factor was
common, the one thing I could no longer find in any of romantic relationships
were ‘Romance’.
Magic do happen when we are least expecting it and it did itself to me. It took me over a dozen years and a couple dozen relationships before I could see it. There it was in all its glory presenting itself to me, an offering from the gods. May be the heavens had enough of my little whining that they finally decided to show me the way. There was a new day break and there was this girl nothing special , nothing profound, simple and natural. I will tell you made her special, it was not me and it was not love, There do exist a thing called a good heart and I could see one for the first time. She touched me in a way none has ever had, her touch was not of lust nor licentious, but it was of care and it was of sincerity and guess what I was in love again and I still am.