A Dream Proposal

The night sky was dark, yet it was beautiful, star studded and comets shooting. The silver moon-lings have been slowly dancing their way from the horizon towards the sandy shore that shone with a certain silvery elegance. There was a cold breeze now and then and so there to was the slow erotic hum of the deep abyss. It was as if at this secluded and lonely beach the universe had started working its century old magic tricks. Of all these beautiful things there was one thing that stood out among the rest, It was a  moonlit silhouette, with beautiful hair flowing flawlessly down her cape that flew about in the wind, with the most stunning pair of eyes that reflected the beautiful moon in all its grandeur better than the vast see before her and with a pair of lips where bloomed my whole world. She was beautiful and she was mine.

I had chose the place not knowing all its beauty and certainly not what the universe had in store for me. It was just perfect, I knew it when I saw her, her moonlit face and her gaze fixed at the horizon. She was perfect, the air was perfect and I was ready to take the next steps. there was no longer a pounding heart and no longer worries of it all going wrong, time had just stopped from then. I slowly descended the stairs that took me to the beach. She immediately sensed me , she turned around facing me,ah! her beautiful face. For an instance we both stopped there like two perfectly crafted sculptures, then she smiled and turned around returning to gazing at the horizon.

I slowly went to her, there was nothing more we could say we had finished with our dialog long ago, now it were just silent exchanges. I knew where I had to stand, slowly moving close to her, I gently placed my hands above her waist, moved close to her without even slightly disturbing her from her trance. She acknowledged my presence with a smile and slowly placing her head over my shoulder and we slowly sat down there in the soft silver sand listening to the oceanic hums. Time just went by as our hands found each other and slowly engaged itself in a slow embrace. The time was perfect, I had to do it now. I slowly pulled away and she looked at me with an anxious on-look. In her eyes she was expecting something , there was innate curiosity in her sparkling eyes. I slowly put my hands in my pocket and  retrieved a small black box covered with velvet cloth, I slowly moved to my knees and opened it in front of her. A small box with a small ring inside, just for her.

Greed : The Deadly Sin

The vices are as much part of a man as are his virtues, yet some among them seem to stand out with alarming resolution. A man with no vice is very hard to come by. As the world we live in is slowly succumbs to temptations of them, the good at heart are crumbling to a trace minority. A vice is like a disease, it catches you without you knowing it, it feeds on to your thoughts and grows stronger every second and finally when it grows powerful enough, it just takes over your life. Finally it takes you on a very lonely journey to your grave.

jamin brenn and his share of the spoils - 1893

An intriguing paradox of the 1990s is that it isn't called a decade of greed.

- Paul Samuelson

Greed among them is the most evil and most widespread. In fact it is so widespread that we have started to think of greed more as a way of life than as the capital sin it is. Our everyday life is so stuffed with signs of greed, from the sky scrapers aching to touch the heaven to the deep oil wells that borrow down to hell. Greed is all around us, greed is there in everyone around us. In fact most of the problems that humanity now faces can be drawn straight back to man’s greed. Let it be the rising problems of global warming or the severe shortage of usable water, it all ties back to the greed of one man or the other. As men so thoughtlessly engaged in the pursuit of wealth and power he has endangered everything that sustained his arrogance and greed and in turn endangered his very existence and the existence of the planet earth.

There is a sufficiency in the world for man's need but not for man's greed.

- Mahatma Gandhi

One man’s greed not only does destroy himself but also the whole lot of people near and dear to him, His thoughtless actions will forge the chains that he will eventually be chained in. In his frivolous pursuit as he annexes one kingdom after the other to his empire, what he is doing is scripting his on eventual decline. But still men tend to be greedy and from this greed stems his other sins, as he forgets who he is and what his virtues are in his pursuit for the fools gold he end up doing things that he might otherwise have looked down at  in contempt and disgust.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, 

one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

- Garrison Keillor

Greed has claimed his many victims from time immemorial and hence greed is the capital sin, All it takes is a few minutes in ones very busy pursuit to think, think about what is it that they are really chasing. All it takes is to ask oneself if this mirage you chase really your dream. All it takes is these few seconds of contemplation and greed will vanish for ever. When you realize that what you have been chasing all your life is but fallacies then you realize what that is really important to you and what is that you really wish for yourself.

Third Fisherman: Master, I marvel how the fishes live in the sea. 

First Fisherman: Why, as men do a-land; the great ones eat up the little ones.

- William Shakespeare ( Pericles 2.1.69-70 )

I am a Bastard, Ain't I ?

Her words still weigh around my neck; I can hear them echo inside my head. Rewinded and replayed again and again with astonishing clarity. It’s been a couple of days and one long night and still the words persist. There was something in those words of hers that made them so heavy, may be it had to do with the way she had put it or may be it’s the simple truth it encompassed. Either be the case (though how much I ever deny it the later is the real truth, I just grow convinced of the fact) her words has stung me good and it still does stings even more.

What have you ever done? She asked

There was a flare in her eyes; it certainly was not pity. I need not see her to know that, her voice was just enough. 

What happened? 

I coughed up as innocent sounding as possible, but I knew that I was not going to get an answer and it was not going to be ending well.  Truth is that I had no idea what was headed my way!

I could start hearing her well hidden sobs grow louder; there was a sense of insecurity mounting in her heavy breaths.

Do you even love me? 

She asked through her sobs, breaking the melancholic silence that filled the air. 

All i could manage to do was to push out a slight hum through my throat that seemed to have gotten clogged almost instantly. Words were too heavy to push through.

What have you ever done for me? She continued after what seemed like eternity.

You were never there for me whenever I wanted you, 

She was no longer waiting for me to answer, as if she already knew that I would not have an answer for any of the questions she had for me.

Do you remember the time I fell down and sprained my ankle? She asked quizingly. 

How could I ever forget, it was her twentieth birthday and after all the deliberations of the celebration she was chasing her friend around her hostel veranda when she slipped and fell. Nothing serious ever happened to her. That itself was a great relief to me considering how subtle and sublime in construction she was. But worst was yet to happen, the very next day I was a total JERK, there is no point in hiding it when I myself know what I have done to her. She had a sprained ankle and I didn't even bother to look at it, may be in intoxicated illusions she was healthy as a horse, but then again I was a total 'jerk'. When every one knew she was hurt badly the one person whom she wanted by her side was not with her. And when she wanted to go to a doctor and when she asked to accompany her, I so harmlessly denied. I was an idiot then and I had no idea that I was being one. I so foolishly drew a dagger through the one heart that loved me, cared for me and looked out for me. I am a bastard, am I not? 

I knew I could get out of this with some sweet words and a lot of apologizing and some empty promises, but she is not some random fling of mine, she is the one. She deserved better, all I could think of was to let her pour out her heart and I knew that is what she wanted. Hours later we called and she seemed to have had no recollection of her words before. She had forgiven me, she had forgiven me along time ago, but when her heart got burden she just had to let it unload somewhere and I am lucky it’s me. But if that was all to it I wouldn't have been writing this at all. 

The truth is when she said those words, it moved me. It moved me because I knew in my heart she deserved better. Upon hearing her soft sob, all those illustrious letters and poems embroidered with colorful words no longer mattered; they have transcended themselves into items of no real value. What value does the word love project when there is no love involved at all? I had to ask myself was I just all words and no real material, were all those speeches of love just Musings of an empty can, was I just one of those many substitutes that inhabit the earth? Had I become what I had set out not to become. Above all this question taunted me most, could I ever love anybody, and the prospects really do scare me now more than ever. I do stare into an abyss and now with trembling fingers and a racing heart I wonder whether i could turn it around or am I weighed down by the chains that's I myself have crafted. The truth is I am a bastard and I know it, if only I could undo my doings.

When Gods Fall and Angels Die : The Diary of a Victim

I have thought long and hard, whether to write about this or not, especially when what I have to say has much to do with another person and his life. I wouldn’t want to damage a life that is not mine. Had it been my life I could have risked it, but not with another man’s life. But then what I had to tell had its own significance and due importance in my life that I just had to write about it. Otherwise it would just be an injustice to myself and my blog which has always sincerely housed by dark secrets and flamboyant triumphs alike. And then I decided I had to write and write such that no one is hurt but so is my heart poured out and emptied.

When it happened to you, I was happy that it was not my life, but now when it had happened to me I see no path that will cover my speedy escape, no path fast enough to run away from myself. It has happened to me, but how often does it happen to one? How often does it happen that some one whom you have so far placed in a castle of gold and ivory in your mind has just fallen short? How often does some one you so dearly love, you so idolized just does something really stupid? How often do they with that one action, annihilate a lifetime of memories? It’s cruel, it’s demeaning that such would happen, but isn’t life cruel and unforgiving to begin with.

It has now happened to me, it’s not my first time but so far they were people who had not touched my life in flesh and blood, so far they have been the ones that had the limelight shine on them, the ones that owned the celluloid and the ones that roamed the green fields. Its one thing that such surreal people blinded by fame be idiots by own making, but it’s an entirely different matter that someone so real, so close, so kith and kin do what that can but be termed ‘stupid’. The facts of the dark be lit by no more light because there lies no pleasure in opening wounds that has decided to heal just on the surface even after so long. But its never the moments of thoughtlessness that causes the real harm, it’s the grueling hours that you are left with yourself, its unforgiving and heartless in torture, the grueling in hell!

But after long hours and after many a sunrises and sunsets when I finally got back what bit was left of my broken mind in order, though the damage was done the one person I could not bear to forgive was myself, not after all that I could have done and I did not, not when I have turned it around many times in the many replays of life I lived. But then I asked myself, how and why did this happen? What is it that one thing that changed in life so fast? May be I was too sure, too soon. But was I fair, fair in placing all those responsibilities on a person’s shoulder without his consent, fair in believing that someone will keep the promises that he had not given. The truth is I do not know, there a part of paining head that begs to kill him and another part that despises no one but myself. the truth is I don’t know.

I had to write about it, its life and it never takes its turn for your liking. It plays hard and fast, it always has and it always will. Always so full of lies, lies there, lies here, lies everywhere. Its such a shame that we live a life full of lies, may be just may be life is just another lie, a lie that we all believe to be true, a lie we believe on convenience alone. Isn’t it shameful or I am just still in a haze. What ever be the state that is mine, the ugly fact is that when the gods do fall and when angels die it’s never a pretty sight to behold. It’s a rape, a rape of the human mind and the mirage of trust.

Colours : A visit to Arakal Palace

When I recently visited the Araikal Palace in KannurCalicut , Kerala, What fascinated me more than the rich history that the place holds and a cameo appearance in a recent local flick is the rich colours that the  place had to offer, The white palace with rich sky blue lining and its colourful windows drew me to my camera like a fly to the lamp. I would have be so wrong if i said that that's all the place had to offer, but besides the colourful palace and its colourful windows were the colourful exhibition of paintings. A set of works by several local artists on the palace and its rich heritage, A fest of colours both intense and soothing. It was a colourful experience in all. A day of colour in the colourful city of kannur calicut!

For those of you who have no idea what 'Araikal' family means and holds in the history of India, A bit of an extract from Wikipedia ( I am no good in history, I flunked in more than once!). There you go a small but significant slice of India's colonial history.

Arakkal kingdom (Kingdom of Cannanore, Sultanate of Lakshadweep and Cannanore) was a former city-state on the Malabar Coast, ruled by dynasty of the same name. The ruling King was called Ali Raja and the ruling queen was called Arakkal Beevi.^[1] The king's palace, which he purchased from the Dutch in 1663, was named Arakkal Palace after the ruling dynasty.

In the 17th century, one of the Padanairs (generals) of Kolathiri, Arayankulangara Nair, converted to Islam and adopted the name Muhammad Ali.^[5] His wife was the daughter of Kolathiri, and they later came to be known as Arakkal.^[5] Muhammad Ali continued in the service of the Kolathiris even after his conversion, and his successors known as the Mammali Kidavus were the hereditary Padanairs of the Kolathiri.^[5] Around this time, many Muslim merchant families became financially influential in the Malabar region. When the Arakkal family took control of Laccadives, they achieved near-royal status.

For more info visit: Arakkal kingdom

( all photos are taken by me and distributed under the creative commons licence : feel free to share, modify, use , distribute and whatever you fancy(make some money off it, please be my guest) and if its okay with you add m  name to the credits otherwise forget it)