The Selfish I, A Poem

Oh mighty lass, taker of all vows, Oh redeemer of the innocent bliss.
Your dormant might, the powerful roar and the humility of a deserving king.
The soothing tunes played in your court and the chills of a true being.
The presence of lightness in thy life and the jingle of a rather light heart.
The slow caress of your hands and the spectacles that you show.
The way the great moon embellishes you and the joy of such a beautiful sight.
The secrets that you cared to share and the ones that you hid in the depths.
The love and the life you nurture, the greatness of your bitter silence.
The softness of your gardens and its beauty sans the green.
The days, the hours and the seconds you took and the memories you gave.
The tears you let dry on my face and the very pains you soaked.
Yet today I come again to sit in your citadel and let you wash my sorrows again.
For all that has been done and said, I come again the selfish I.

The Short and Splendid February – Part I

January was good, but it ended on a sore note. You must be expecting a detailed account of what happened between January and February, but I must disappoint you in this matter. It was not good and for most parts rather ugly and let’s just leave it at that and continue forward. The end of January started for me a rather solemn and modest period, I was lost most of the time in thoughts and all I could think of was the beautiful days I had in my memories. I cried and wept over the shattered dreams and with each passing day I was becoming more dilapidated. The seasons changed and I didn't know and the flowers bloomed and I didn't care and finally I had gathered too much dust that I had forgotten myself in a solemn corner of my life.

But, one day I did wake up and one day I had to tell myself that I had to choose. I reminded myself that I had the choice between a ‘life of gathering dust in a corner’ and one where I could just go out and live life as it comes. ‘Carpe Diem’, that’s the choice I made.

It was over an year later that I seriously started having a life, that is the amount of time it took me to forgo the once beautiful dreams that had now came back to haunt me. The nightmares ones broken dreams make are horrendous, almost sinister in intent. The number of sleepless nights had reduced greatly and I must have had my first good night’s sleep around that time. But some people never learn and I am one of them. Due to this particular weakness of mine I had let in my life another somebody.

PS:  If you feel completely lost please refer my previous post. It will help you catch upon the misery.

It was by a rather off chance that I let February in my life. How it happened is still much fuzzy to me. She was always there, I must never have had seen her yet or I may just not have noticed or rather cared to notice.  Then as the days unfolded and as I stared coming out of my self-inflicted hermitage and started cherishing the world around me, we met. We met, we talked, we became friends and then something clicked and due to my tenacious friends and their perseverance in seeing to it that I hook up with someone the idea got planted in our heads I guess. Over the next year and a half we bonded, it was not like the first time I was in love, this was different.

She was smart and she was pretty but the best thing is that she was shorter than me. The most trouble I have with girls is that they apparently happen to be taller than me or they appear to do so, which is not a very good thing when you are out looking for company. But February was the perfect size in that regard, being friends was easy, it just happened and not much work was necessary neither did I intended to do any at that point in time, but being in love was a whole lot different. The way it happened is that one day she asked what I was going to give her for Valentine’s Day and I asked her what she wanted. She resorted to a shy and sly smile as an answer and knowing her so well by then I knew what was in her mind and I was happy that it was the same thing as in mine. Strange ways that love works, huh!

To be continued, keep reading

My Long Love (His) Story : The Tale of January

‘The Beginning’ or as I like to call it ‘The Tale of January’

There are no preludes, no forwards and certainly no prologues. But maybe, just maybe I will add an epilogue. Sure I will add an epilogue. How hard can that be? Right? So here is my little long love story from the beginning, I mean from the very beginning.

The first time I ever fell in love with any person or got anywhere close to being in love was at the age of ten, eleven perhaps. But even before that I was associated with girls but that can only be classified as the ones I liked or the ones my friends liked to associate me with. The problem can be rather simply be stated as I had no idea what it was to be in love. What can you expect out of a boy whose age is less than ten and all the ideas about love that he has ever had has been fuelled by movies. But when at the age of eleven I met this girl (let’s call her January), I knew it was something different and altogether ‘out of this world’. But things with January where not that easy and not to mention that I was totally an amateur in the matter of relationships. I must confess that the years that were to follow where enough to realise the rather accomplished stalker in me. But it took me over four years of conscious effort to gather the courage to speak to January. Even after that I was scared to hell of losing her by my one off handed remark. Things looked good or at least from my perspective it did to me. At the end of the fourth year I was so much into January that I and January was like… Hmm… Republic Day and January perhaps.

Then came the judgement day, the day I was to propose to her, I am not going to give you much insight into the way and manner of my proposal for the fear of being prosecuted and thrown to the deep pits in hell by the other sex in general and may be some rather too romantic males. But I did propose and I did it as sweetly and charmingly as I could, given the immediate circumstances and the strange and unaccounted seismic activity that persisted through my body the whole day. But through broken words and longs sighs and a trembling hand I did propose and was in elated to a land beyond heavens when January accepted it with the sweetest smile I have seen on her beautiful face. But fate has other plans and trust me it makes twists that makes most fighter pilots throw up. The next when she met I knew that something was wrong and she came to me, stood next to me looked me in my eyes and said “My mother says I can’t and so I can’t”. It took me some time to gather what she meant and before I could say anything she was gone and thus In a matter of less than a day my love life had experienced both success and heartbreak and with that ended the month of January and the first love of my life.

I can’t tell it was a total mayhem, but there were lessons that I could take from that one experience, of course I was too heartbroken to see anything at first and I imploded into myself for a long time and trust me February was not such a short month as it would seem to some people. My life from then took a lot of using to for my friends, but these days are the sole reason I started writing. I would never have risen had I not fallen that badly. The lessons from that one day took me over a year to learn and as each time I relieved that which is still do but with significantly less frequency, I learned a lot and I will leave it that.

The epilogue as I promised commences. One must understand that if I took the initiative to call my first girlfriend as January then there must be others to follow, Hence you need not look furlong for this long love story has a marvelous ending , one that ends in its own merit. No matter what happens and what angel one meets in his days to come the first love of his life shall forever be remembered. The days I spent dreaming of our future, the hours I waited for her sight, the seconds I spend with her and the whole world that danced to the tune of my romance. I remember each with a gratitude that is unassertable. If this story does has a happy ending, it is she who made me see it and if I never had loved January I would never have realized the love of my life when she came in friend of my eyes, I would never have understood what her smile signified and what her manner conveyed. It is with the sincerest gratitude that I remember our days or rather my days and our half a day.

What came after January.

Unfinished Chapters

There are some chapters that are never meant to be written, some words that are too heavy for the quill. There are things that one cannot write no matter how much you have to say and how much you intend to write it. But often these are things you will remember life by, often these are the things that make life bearable. When you feel the sand under your feet wash away may be these are things that would make you want to live and forbid losing hope, simple things, small insignificant things that would make more sense when the whole world starts fading away. May be that's what life is, may be that's how life is meant to be.

Friendship... is not something you learn in school. But if you haven't learned the meaning of friendship, you really haven't learned anything. 

Muhammad Ali

Mindless Bickering

At Very few times do one find himself at the precipice, times when his tenacious adherence to all things decay invariably leaving one bare, naked and vulnerable. The truth about these times are simple, they are times of great conflict, times of great understandable commotion. That's the truth about though it may take shapes and forms that are not immediately perceivable not even noticeable by common observation. It would often take great pain and lethal amounts of persistence to find the simplicity of most of humanity's troubles. One has to stop and ponder without bias to realize the simple things.

But where so we have the time for a little self-enquiry in this supposedly busy world. In fact the numero uno item one must ponder is what is that they are so busy searching. Most of the pleasures of life that most people seek can be found where they already are. Again looking is the problem, we are so happy and satisfied by search and pursuit that we invariably forget to look.

Then again as I was saying before being carried away my irresponsible stream of thoughts or thoughtlessness, when facing humongous and humbling crisis we cease to search and we start to look and hitherto we find. It precisely because of this simple reason that we remember life as a sequence of great events and not as a continuous stream of divine motion which it is meant to be. Why do we feel not one bit impulse to document these great personal feats? why not write then down and stop bothering?

I believe that these moments are often deprived of meaning and devoid of sense but to the person of its origin, almost like my mindless bickering that you are by the pure merit of your tenacity is reading through. When confronted by truthful delirium one reacts not on accord of one's training but by merit of one's nature and by it alone.

If you are looking for a conclusion of any nature, I go out to remind you that as the title of this particular essay ( of sort ) goes this is just a mindless bickering, it can't have a solid conclusion nor any reasonable reason for its existence.had it had one it would have become a traitor to its on end. Wouldn't it? I would just leave it that and leave you to pick up the pieces.