Mistakes and Regrets

No matter what you wish and how hard you think, there are times you inevitably end up making a mistake. What can e done about that? It just eats you up and consumes you in regret and despair. The whole thing is a much bigger mess if someone else has to pay for your mistakes, when someone else is the bearer of your ineptness. Furthermore it is devastating when they decides to be noble it. Frankly I wouldn't mind being bashed and abused, because I know I made that mistake and I deserve to be shouted at. You can never get to forgive yourselves for the stupidity that you have displayed. You curse yourself for not thinking thoroughly and not making sure that the little details were right.

You do not know how down and lowly I feel now, may be do. Whatever be the case it wouldn't hurt anyone by me making it clear can it? 

Every time I think about this ordeal, I think I have not learned my lessons yet. I did what I did because I thought at that moment that I was saving them from a potentially disastrous decision but all I did was make them do another blunder that the previous one. All my decisions where based on my belief that I had actually learned something something from my own previous bad experiences, but now I know I was wrong and I was wise enough to make those decisions. I might have acted in haste and  might have not thought out the whole plan of action carefully. But the truth is I do stand by my primary decision, the reasons for the action I took was valid but what I did as a result of it and in order to correct it then was actually not the worst of choice. 

Fate or whatever it is called has made me regret those decisions that I was proud of making at the the time I made it. The circumstances changed and all on a sudden the decisions that I took looked almost short sighted, not  just almost, almost completely short sighted. And these decisions cost some of my friends dearly and that is what affected me mostly and disturbed me. I look almost deranged and lost.

I know this all sounds confusing and muddled and illegible and incomprehensible, that is only because I feel like that and my mind in a state of muddiness.  

May be I just have to come clean and own it up, I do not know whether it will absolve me of the responsibility I feel about this whole business. But at this point I feel that writing a couple of cheques would make me feel better whether they accept it or not.

I hope I do not regret this one.

T33F5J7RXUWZ 

To Burn a Man Alive

“If you had been on that jury son, and eleven other boys like you, Tom would be a free man. So far nothing in your life has interfered with your reasoning process. Those are twelve reasonable men in everyday life, Tom’s Jury, but you saw something come between them and reason.”

- To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

I by accident came upon this piece about the lynching of one Mr. Jesse Washington, a 17 year old boy way back in 1916 in a then little known town called Waco in Texas during the height of racism there. A 1600 strong, so called civilized mob cheered and celebrated the vindication of a boy. Who is to say whether he was guilty or not? They never cared. Their ears must have been where filled with the wax of racial hatred and their minds biased. That was the society then, there, apparently civilized and highly placed. Are we any different today?

We may have come far from burning people alive and conducting witch hunts, at least in principle we have. But deep down our society is the same, flawed and diseased. We may not be impaling people anymore and we definitely are not pushing widows to be burned along with their dead husbands, but that is where the buck stops. We do still engage in some very sinister things, don’t we? We murder our daughters before they are even born and we do that with more ease that the slaughter of a cow. We beat up our wives and abuse them. But these are normal things in our society today not as audacious as the lynching of Jesse Washington.

What we do in our day to day life is in no measure what we are capable of and it does not provide a true picture of the malice that lurks within the conceited society. In order to know what the society is truly capable of we must look what they do at times of great anarchy, when they are no longer a society but a mob, when they are nothing more than a bunch of rapid dogs on the hunt. They rape and they slaughter, they rip apart human life and bodies in the most disgusting manner possible. The discontent and instability that so lie in the depths of men manifest into its worst at such times. It is at such times, when the bonds and bondages enforced by the chains of society breakdown that the society becomes vengeful and disoriented. It is not even imaginable what a society that consists of murderers and rapist at the best times would disintegrate into when they come face to face with the darkness that lurks inside.

What we may now do in the name of justice be only the sinister things of tomorrow, may be generations next will speak of our barbaric ways with as much disgust as we speak of our generations past. Let it be the holocausts in Germany or the Lynching in Waco, the agitated ‘civilized societies’ has in there moment of folly written onto the face of sons and daughters a scar. A scar that for all the time to come will forever remain. May be nothing can be done about, may be that is the way of life, but I believe different. Many a great men have in the past opened our eyes and held it open just long enough to see our folly and prevent it in the time to come. May be at times of great peril will rise great heroes and they will save as times of great despair.

Shakespeare Anyone ?

An interesting observation seen in goodreads

Courtesy :  Goodreads

I shall lay down my worthless life

On a six pence parchment draw me damned line,
Give me a flag and a staff to hold,
A song to sing and a worthless lie,
Tell me a story and give me a speech,
Give me one reason and I shall ask no more
I shall lay down my worthless life
For every worthless lie you so tell me.

The Cardinal Sin

For they have eyes yet seldom see,

For they have ears yet seldom hear,

For the have hearts yet seldom feel,

For they have hands yet seldom act,

For all the cardinal sins upon this grave world,

The supreme sin is but this,

For they have minds they seldom think.