It had happened at last, I knew it would come one day. The haunting
realities of old age makes it impossible to forego. I knew it would happen it
would only be a matter of time. The truth is that upsets me is not that it
happened but I was not here by his side when it happened. I was not here to
catch him when he fell, I was not here to sit by his side when he was lying in
the hospital bed, and I was not here to take flowers and fruits to cheer him up. It strikes me hard and I can’t forgive myself
for making him be all alone when he needed me the most.
When I woke up yesterday, it was a beautiful day; a day like
any other. The day was not meant to be anything other than what I have been
planned. It was supposed to be an all holes barred canister of monotony but the
heavens had plans that were greater than mine. When I reached home after a
meticulously planned day which was executed to perfection, I was confronted with
a rather off handed remark from my aunt. She enquired whether I knew about my grandfather
been taken for a ‘service’. All I could
respond with was a rather confused look and a big question mark hovering over
my head.
Grandfather, Great Spirit, once more behold me on earth and lean to hear my feeble voice.
Black Elk
Grandfather, Great Spirit, once more behold me on earth and lean to hear my feeble voice.
Black Elk
I was to be at the receiving end of some very shocking news.
While I was away in my college worrying about my petty exams a whole lot had
happened here. One day my grandfather felt dizzy and almost collapsed, My
mother and aunt tried sugar solution thinking that it was a drop in his sugar
level, then the called a doctor who lives across the street, she came in and
did some preliminaries and then they called my uncle who is a doctor and he was
quick to recommend a hospital and insisted that they take him there instantly. He
was admitted in Intensive Care Unit and was under observation for three days
and a hoard of test was being conducted on him. All this while I was laughing,
joking and partying with my friends, unaware of anything that was going on in
my hostel. I despise myself.
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| Photo by Corbis Super RF |
All my life my grandfather was there for me, when I took my
first steps , when I passed my first class, when I was not able to sleep and
when I was down with a fever. He would come to me from anywhere he was. Je
would abandon all that was important and come to me sit by me and care for
me and now when he was sick and tired
where was I? Writing exams of no real significance in life? I was doing things
that I could have written at some other time and passed with the same ease. No
body informed me what had happened and nobody told me that something was wrong
and I did not feel it, I should have felt it when he was sick. I should have.
He does so should I shouldn’t I? My grandfather had asked everyone not to tell
me anything.
"...there is no grandfather who does not adore his grandson."
Author: Victor Hugo
Now I know not what to do, Should I be angry at him for not
telling me anything or should I be happy that he is alright? Should I be making
a tantrum about why not me? Or should I just be ‘adult’ about it. But one thing
is sure if at all anything happens to him which I believe will not and I am not
here by his side holding his hands during his last few moments in life I know I
will not forgive myself ever.