Love: A Search for Meanings

Love is still as strange to me as it has always been, in my many pursuits to understand it; I have only succeeded in failing again and again. There was a time that the very search for its meanings made me tangle myself in thoughts, so strange that I myself wonder how I ended up brewing these thoughts in my mind. Strange as it may be, I still search for its meanings, even when it had cost me many a things.

In and out, I went of many relationships. Some were a ship wreck from the very beginning while others just went in through a series of unexplainable and unfortunate events before it could finally settle itself into a sense of awkwardness. But, believe me when I say, ‘ Every one of those relations were a lesson learned’. I should also admit that some lessons were much more than what I could have ever bargained for. The sense of tarnish and humiliation that was inevitable, even when I have done it all to keep it afloat, now that’s a wee bit uncomforting.

I beg pardon from all the ladies that had to read these words, and I do accept that not all the women are of the nature I may be discussing. I would also assure you that I have always thought highly of women, but these are a few that I had to face in my small life. There were quite a few women in my life that had come at me in ways that I myself could have never envisioned. The fact is they had in me vested interested that either I have not seen or have cunningly enough hid from my eyes. I have to say this that second one was of higher probabilities. The way those things turned out were particularly humiliating for me for one simple fact, they were not of my doings.

Those were events good enough to make any reasonable man lose faith in love and I do consider myself a reasonable man indeed. The real thing I had no more trust in anyone any more. All that I loved turned out to be more of a wreck and less of any help. The one factor was common, the one thing I could no longer find in any of romantic relationships were ‘Romance’.

Magic do happen when we are least expecting it and it did itself to me. It took me over a dozen years and a couple dozen relationships before I could see it. There it was in all its glory presenting itself to me, an offering from the gods. May be the heavens had enough of my little whining that they finally decided to show me the way. There was a  new day break and there was this girl nothing special , nothing profound, simple and natural. I will tell you made her special, it was not me and it was not love, There do exist a thing called a good heart and I could see one for the first time. She touched me in a way none has ever had, her touch was not of lust nor licentious, but it was of care and it was of sincerity and guess what I was in love again and I still am.

It would be a lie if I say I have not thought of any other girl since her, but this is true no matter whom I saw and whom I fancied and the end of the day she was the one whom I wanted to go back to. She was the only one whom I would care to care about, other were just beautiful to watch but she was beautiful to live with. And hence here I am happily committed and no longer in futile searches of meanings of this that I now believe are meant not to be understood but to be experienced.

The Burden of Command

To wield these stars and to hold his medals, to don this cap and to fill this chair. There are many things in life that may be happy but this is not one of those. To do is not an option, it is the only thing that destiny has in store. Either this or walk away. The latter is worse than death. The Command has its power and its status so does it has a large baggage that has to be dragged to ones grave. Nor the salutes nor the Laurels does anything to ease the pain, but persists an humble remainder of all that is to be dragged along alone.

There are times when the facets are to be put up, even when you desperately desire that you would be spared, you have to do it. The dictum is such that the failure to perform is unacceptable, even when it means to put everything you believe in to put at the front line. There are times when great men will be fools and hearts of steel will start to melt. No matter how high the principles be held, the man in the matter is but human. There are times heart remains a heart and there are times the head refuses to comply. But still the weights upon ones should bear down you as albatrosses from yet another tale.

Leadership is a quality that is tested and retested every now and then. It is not the making of the man it is breaking of man again and again such that he is immune to this pain of severance. To remain intact at times of peril is not an option, not when there are men who depend on you, not when they look up to you and not when they refuse to bow down just because you manage to hold it together, it is a necessity. The life that is yours is no longer just yours, there are other who willingly surrendered theirs to yours, just because they do believe it you who can hold their together with far more force than they can. They believe in you and with that come responsibility. You are not you anymore you are the culmination of all their interests and the holder of the higher truth.

It is not for you to not to fail, It is for you to fail as equally as it is for you to win. It is about you never letting them down, who willingly let themselves be lead. It is for you to never give up on anyone and hold it up for them; It is for you to see the light when the herd has lost its eye. It is for you not to believe but make believe the ones behind. To lead is a great feeling, but it is not about the celebration but about conducting it so that everyone can enjoy and in their enjoyment you can enjoy. It do feel great.

One thing that is asked of the leader that is most difficult to perform is the use of the whip. There are times, times you are given no other resort, but to crack the whip. Every single act of harshness you provide has a toll on you, every now and then you have to raise your voice there is a part of you sinking. To love is to be a good leader but to beat them up and make them strong calls for a great leader. He can inspire and so he can command, He can praise them and with the same hand crack the whip upon them. Yet at the hands of a great leader they feel no pain nor no grudge just the desire to correct themselves and lead a path of righteousness. Their feelings have to be upheld and they protected, but at the same time a mask is forced upon our face that shields the real one with a sterner perfect leader.

Yes it calls for a great leader so do should one selves, none is made a leader they are born, not from the mother’s womb but from the amongst of you and I. There is a leader in every one of us, a leader who shall rise when the time calls for him. When he is really to fly, he shall rally men and pick up momentum. When this do happen to you, call upon him , cheer him, cherish him because he not only can change you but can change the world.