Tell me What Love is

                                I have been sitting here long enough. I have seen many a sunrise and many a sunset , I have thought hard and long. Every moment in life flashed before me  and relived every moment I have lived. Carefully caressing every memory of mine. Still then I look up at the sky, I still cant find my answer. Where is the flair and where is the passion. Where is every of those moments in life I have witnessed the sparkle, where are the times I rejoiced in love. The moments of intimacy and where is the endless hours I stared into her golden eyes?

                                I have never married, at least not yet! But I have been committed and I have dreamt many a life for myself. Many a times I have bit to the every last straws to keep those moments from vanishing for ever. Every girl I lost I was convinced she was not mine to be with , but still I never wanted to be the one to give up on it , may be that is not fair , may be I should have told the truth. The truth I was too afraid , too afraid to lose the moments they have given, too afraid in finding a new person for me. What if I find no one else , What if the next is even worse. I have not been fair and then I have not been in love as well. They might just have been relationships of convenience.

                                There were times of magic in life that one remembers life by, and by the grace of god I have many to live with. There were times when every thing under the sun was made of gold and all I could see where flowers and butterflies and gardens and beauty. There were times I thought I knew what love was and there were time I thought I owned love. But for every one of those times love has had surprises form me. May be god did want to empty my hand for the ultimate prize. May be I already have her.

                                The magic in the first touch and the softness of the first kiss that many talk of, I wonder sometimes whether I have found or not. Sometimes its the silence or sometimes its the rain that brings in the love , May be love is not something to always have like the heart beat but may be its something that come and goes like the spring. I have heard poets talk of love and I have read writer write of love, But those are things that are still left for me to experience. 

                                There again I stand by the sea shore, where the waves break open there heart and sweeps away ones sorrow. I can no more run and I can no more hide , I need to know and I know I am entitled for the answer. In whose quest I have been I think already have , but I need to know for sure, What I have now is unlike anything I have ever had , It's surely exceptional . But , is it love , I need to be sure. I need to know what is love.

She had a Doggy!

                                              

                                    My Girlfriend had a doggy and he was called Rocky! Though I was always jealous of him, there were times I loved him. He may not to be to me what he had been to her. It’s a funny story, a funny story how life unfolds to us all in ways unimaginable and often it has a sad ending. Its but inevitable I suppose.

                                    It was his funeral two days back and ever since then I miss him much or rather I miss my girlfriend missing her rocky.

                                    It is a good story how it all started, She had rocky even before we first met. She was so afraid of him that she would not touch him at all and would run screaming had he came closer that a few yards. But at the same time she loved him, She loved the little rocky running around her country home and eat her chickens. I didn’t know when rocky turned vegetarian or when he had enough of the smelly chickens he soon seized eating her chickens. By the way I forgot he was a good golden German shepherd.

                                    I always wondered why she would run away from a dog she so much loved and adored. She would not even let me joke on him. There was one time I suggested we would get rid of rocky when we she was once complaining of how rocky scares her by licking her legs, she says she gets Goosebumps when he does that. Its true hell has known no fury like a woman gone angry. She would not even talk to me for the next couple of days.

                                                There was this incident once, I think a couple of years back. One fine holiday there was this site to watch, A really memorable one she would never have done it had she been awake. There was in the bed two angels sleeping together hugging each other. Had I had a chance I would have frozen time and stood there watching my girl and her little doggy, sleeping like two little children. But of course then rocky had to do that, the stupid act of ruining a very quiet morning, after all he is just our stupid dog. He licked her chin and oh my god then there was screaming and running and barking and total chaos. Even neighbors called in to check if all was okay. That was the one day in my life.

                                    It happed a couple of days back, A call from her in the evening confirmed our little rocky has gone to the afterlife. She was weeping over the phone and though there was many a miles that separated us I could hear her words crack and her weak heartbeat. It was not much of a surprise we were expecting it. For the last couple of months he would not eat and he was often sick and lazy no running around and he would often walk away from home and we had to go and bring him back. He was showing signs. And he died two days ago! It did hit as a bit hard no matter how sick he was and how convinced he was going to die, we still hoped that he could one fine morning spring back to his former naughty self and chase my girlfriend around the house.

                                    I too miss him , May be one day when we have a life and get a house , we would buy a little doggy and love him too, But rocky will forever be the rocky and he will be remembered for ever. Many things died along with him and now that’s a space that’s really vacant. My girlfriend had a dog and he died!